yourplayersaidwhat:

DM: It’s glitter.
Player: NO!

jocazzi:

Lucretia: Could you try not to kill anyone!?

Tres Horney Boys covered in blood with sacks of loot: Probably not.

Mama: Could you try to kill something!?

Aubrey, Duck, Ned, Billy and a tied up unconscious goat-man: Probably not.

normal-horoscopes:

Aries: You fell out of the back of a the box car and landed in a dying briar patch. They found nourishment in your skin, you cant feel the thorns anymore.

Taurus: Stolen by a rival monarch and raised as their own child. Not for any political reasons, the queen just wanted more babies.

Gemini: Traded to a band of romani for a sandwich. They realized whoever was trading you for a sandwich was probably an asshole and they should take better care of you.

Cancer: Raised by birds after your parents were eaten by said birds.

Leo: Lost in the mountains after a thunderstorm. Your eyes became accustomed to the dark, teeth honed for the warm things.

Virgo: You were lied to. You were told you were completely human.

Libra: A plot of jealousy lead to your poisoning, however it had no effect and actually made you a little stronger. Your parents just rolled with it.

Scorpio: One of those river babies. You know, like when you just find a kid in a river.

Ophiuchus: You just appeared in the hospital. Manifested out of thin hair.

Sagittarius: An experiment in testing the limits of long-distance ballistic insemination.

Capricorn: You are the true heir to the throne of Ghengis Kahn.

Aquarius: Raised by wolves. Eventually there was a custody battle so you spent winters with your human parents and summers with your wolf parents. 

Pisces: Your mom is actually the moon. How’d you get down here you knucklehead? Get back up to the moon.

aniconiclesbian:

Ever since I saw this tweet when I watch friends that’s all I hear now